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Things We've Learned Sewing at 2:00 am

This lovely list was originated by the gracious Kristina Olffsdotter aff Reji Fostningsgrej.

1. I hate hemming.

2. My bobbin winder hates me.

3. The more you try to fix the hem, the more you will screw it up.

4. I need a serger.

5. Don't use red chalk to draw the pattern on white fabric when you need the garb the next day.

6. If the neck hole was too little the first time, only cut a little bit off at a time. There's no going back. I now have an off the shoulder under tunic.

7. If you're trying on the garb you're sewing over and over to get the right fit, it's easier just to sew nekkid. Someone please tell me I'm not alone.

8. The first time you sew it together, use big stitches. They're easier to pull out.

9. Trying to convince yourself that no one will notice that the sleeves are two different lengths gets easier as the night goes on.

10. They play really crappy music on the radio at 2:00 AM.

11. Ignore the "Buy 1 more yard then you think you'll need" rule. Replace it with the "Buy 7 more yards than you think you'll need" rule.

12. Get $1/yard fabric. Then you won't swear at yourself so much.

13. You can see a black bra through $1/yard white cotton.

14. You can see a white bra through $1/yard white cotton.

15. You can see you're not wearing a bra through $1/yard white cotton.

16. The warning on cold medicine that says you shouldn't operate heavy machinery while on this drug should state sewing machines specifically.

17. If you're going to be trying on something that's pinned, and have to pull it over your head, remember to wear protective eye glasses gear.

18. The numbers on my tape measure move. They must. I've measured 3 times, and it's still not working.

19. You really do have to match plaids or your butt looks funny.

20. Remember Rule 6? Don't do that again on the over-tunic. Next time, try a key hole.

21. At 4:00 AM, leaving the garb too big sounds perfectly acceptable.

22. No matter how far in advance you start sewing your garb, you will be finishing it at 2:00 AM the night before the event.

23. No matter what you learned from your last 2:00 AM sewathon, you're gonna do it all again.

24. Don't get ambitious. This is not the time to start blackworking that chemise you want to wear this Saturday for court. Limit yourself to grunt work and easy stuff.

25. If, having limited yourself to easy stuff, you still screw up 3 times, it's time to put the piece down and back away slowly.

26. Contrary to what you have heard, most people would say that it is NOT fun to sew in a car. Especially if you're prone to carsickness. Vomit does not appreciably improve either your temper or the garb. So don't expect to finish anything on the way to the event.

27. I made the dress and it fits perfectly. Too bad I forgot to prewash the fabric first. Now it fits my 12-year-old daughter.

28. Cats are at their most "helpful" at 2am.

29. Husbands who sleep right through Godzilla movies complain about you dropping pins while they're trying to sleep.

Garb Humor

This page last updated: May 18, 2010

All text copyright Vangelista di Antonio Dellaluna, except where otherwise noted. All portraits are understood to be copyright- free and are presented as research aids only.